Nov 15th 2008

Big bags, lumpy sacks...
Long walks, longer talks
Giant bunch of rags, a few justified fags
Churning of clothes, anticipation floats
Meeting strangers, sharing a smile
Seriously, it's been a while.....
Leaning against the wall, watching the rain fall
Again, the churning and then some more
Mind is rested, Patience tested...
And then, it stops...

O.K…This was my second time at the Report studio (I went for the regular taping two months ago), but as this was a special screening episode, the six month rule didn’t apply…
Anyways, in the confirmation email they asked us to come at 7-7:30. But of course me and my friend arrived at the studios at 4:30 (hell yeah!). There were people waiting to go in for the general taping and so, we stood outside. Mark came and when we told him we were there for the Christmas screening, he said that we were too early for that…So, we went for a coffee and came back thirty minutes later, only to find the line for the general taping had gotten longer…
Then, Stephen’s driver/security guard (the one who appeared in Rain’s episode) came and started chatting with us. One of the staff members who was taking people’s names also came and we were chatting bout the standby line. They both were betting as to how many standby people will actually get it and it was really funny to hear them argue…
They actually let five standby people in and the staff member won the bet!
O.K, cut to the main part- We were first in the Christmas screening line and went in like an hour and half later. There as usual we were told to shout, clap and laugh as hard as we could…we went in pretty much immediately and we sat in the front fucking row!!! I was SO excited, it’s not even funny…Earlier when I was in his studio, I had a standby ticket and I was standing in the back in a corner…but this time I could actually see his whole studio clearly…
After probably fifteen minutes, Mark came back and practiced our group laughter and group cheering.
Then he asked us whether we had any questions regarding the show…And I asked him “how do we get a job as a writer for this show?” and he laughed and said “You can actually ask Stephen that and he might as well give you the job, coz you seem to be funny” (I don’t know whether he meant that as a sarcastic remark or not…but it was pretty funny) I also asked him about the Jane Fonda episode (I know this question has been asked before like a million times but I just love to see him answer that with equal passion and excitement).
We did pretty well and the he announced- “Are you ready to meet the greatest living American ?” and to everyone’s screaming, clapping and cheering, Stephen came out running…Because this was post-taping the regular show, he was out of his suit and tie and was wearing jeans and his favorite Penn t-shirt…he as usual ran around his desk and came running to the audience. Considering I was in the front row, I actually *touched8 his hand…wow…I was the only one literally jumping…
Then he said whether we had any questions for him and I raised my shaking hand. He looked at me and said “yes…” and I asked him exactly the question that I asked Mark- “How do e get a job as a writer of this show” and he laughed and said “You have to be funny…are you funny”? Then I said “well, I took a seventeen hour long flight to come here from India” and he looked amazed and said “Sev….ohh..well..WELCOME!”…hahah….his reaction was priceless…Then he actually answered my question seriously and said “You can hire an agent and ask him/her to contact our studios”…
Then someone asked him about the Strangers with Candy reunion and he said he didn’t have any problem unless Amy and Paul were available…
Anyways, then he briefed us about the upcoming Christmas screening and asked us to laugh at the jokes if we found them funny. He said “If you find something funny, laugh out LOUD and if you don’t find it funny, laugh out loud anyways”…
Then the screening began and trust me Nation, IT’S AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! My stomach still hurts…Then he went backstage and appeared after every ACT of the screening and talked some funny senseless things like, during first break he came out and said “ohh, now for a while let me encourage you to buy Axe body spray”…LOL
I’m sorry but I can’t disclose anything about the actual screening as we signed the agreement.
So, we came out and waited…there were three other people who were standing out as well…One of the girl had her B’day…Then after a while, all his security guards started speaking into their phones and we knew something was coming…and yes…To everyone’s excitement, Stephen came out shouting “wooohooo”….and we all too started shouting and clapping again! (it’s unbelievable to see how much energy he has, that too after two tapings!)…I asked him “Can I take a picture?” and he said ‘Picture? Ohh sure…” and so, immediately he put his hand around my shoulder and I put mine around his waist (coz I’m so damn short) and my friend took our picture…Then the B’day girl too took a pic with him and he wished her a Happy B’day, which was really sweet…Then he said ‘Thanks for coming guys and have a good night…” and he sat in his car (at the driver’s seat!)…we kept staring at him for a few more minutes and then unwillingly decided to leave…
Below is my pic, which looks like he’s grabbing my neck but who cares!!! And as usual I look so ridiculously happy, it’s not even funny…!
I apologize for such a lengthy report guys…

So…the moment I’ve always been waiting for since I started watching the show two years ago finally arrived…I have read several taping reports and all start with he/she (mostly she) getting there at the studio…But I guess mine technically starts when I took a 17 hour long flight from India to NYC…!
Since then, I’ve been dying to go to the taping…finally the day arrived…I went there at 1:30, as I didn’t have tickets…I was obviously the first one to arrive so damn early…but soon a fellow fanatic came and we chatted for a while..Anyways, cut to: 5’O clock, when we actually got tickets in our hands and we were SLOWLY led inside the waiting area…Mark came in and gave some T-shirts and also answered many questions…he talked bout the Jane Fonda episode, Richard Branson episode and some other stuff which we all already know, like the story behind the outline drawing of Stephen on the studio floor and the history behind bill O’Reily’s microwave…
Then he told us to clap loudly, shout on top of our voice, etc…I was so fucking excited I wasn’t even paying much attention. Then, we were soon led into the actual studio, which is just as cool as it looks on T.V…Then Pete came in and did his thing…it was really funny. He asked us if anyone was from different country and I quickly stood up and shouted India! And Pete was kinda taken aback…hehe, but he said he liked the fact that I actually stood up and that I should stand up while asking Stephen a question.
Then, the moment arrived…Spot lights flashed everywhere…And there came our Hero…running, shouting, Hi-fying the audience and all…Man, the energy he has is truly unmatchable…He asked if anyone of us had questions and a girl asked him to sing ‘o Susana’…and he DID…and WOW, we all went “awww”, and he’s like…”the following Report is sponsored by awww”…then, he talked about getting old or something…he said his son John asked him the other day whether the lines next to his eyes were actually gills…and we all went awww again….very funny
Then the taping began and it was hilarious….the moment when he stood up and started taking off his jacket, we were literally squealing…and then he unzipped his pants…God, it was sooo funny to watch…During the break, the make-up artist came and fixed his hair and he did the same to her hair…hahah…he’s so over dramatic , which is too cute…he kept lip syncing all the songs they play during the break…
The taping ended sooner than I expected, and he told us what a great audienc ewe were and that he wished we could come back tomorrow again…
we came out pretty quickly…everyone departed soon enough, but I loitered there for a while…
Then, The Report writers came in and I congratulated them on their Emmy…they were too sweet…they asked me if I enjoyed the show and I said ‘My throat hurts from shouting’ and he said that’s a good thing then…we talked for while about India and stuff and then they went too…
I was literally the only one left there…One of Stephen’s security men was there and I asked him when Stephen will come out and he said he didn’t know anything…I kept questioning him, but he just didn’t tell me anything…But I told him “m gonna wait there, since I came like…10,000 miles across from a different continent, ‘m not going without meeting him…He said it will probably take a long time, but I insisted on waiting and ALAS!!!
There, right in front of my eyes is…STEPHEN COLBERT! He came and smiled at me..I said I came all the way from India to watch his show and he was extremely polite and asked me how I was, etc…he asked me whether I liked the show and I said I did…a LOT!
I asked him whether I can take a picture with him and he said Sure…So, I shakily opened the camera and I asked the security guy to take our pic…But Stephen said, “Wait…I’ll take it” and he held me by my shoulder and took a picture of both of us…For the first two times it didn’t work and so we just kept standing there in the same position…then, it finally worked and he actually saw the pic and said “ohh that’s a a sweet picture..” Then I said Thanks and he’s like…”Take care” and goes near his car and I shouted behind him “Oh by the way, congratulations on winning an Emmy”! and he’s like..Thanks..! haa..it was brilliant…
He got into his car and drove off….
And I got into a taxi, grinning madly like a fool…and why wouldn’t I? I just had the most memorable day of my life…!!!
Did I mention I took a 17 hr long flight to get here…?